Electrolite
by girleffect
Summary: Ziva is home, and confused. Post Truth or Consequenses
1. Chapter 1

"Stand on a cliff and look down there. Don't be scared. You are alive. You are alive." - R.E.M, Electrolite

The bullpen is too bright, and for the first time she realizes how hideous that orange paint really is. The clapping is so loud and she wishes everyone would just stop because her mind is spinning and Tony is staring at her and she cannot find any words to say.

"Ziver, you need to see Ducky." Gibbs whispers, and she begins to shake her head, but suddenly she is too tired to protest.

….

He talks about third degree burns and healing fractures and bruises and concussions and an infection, but she barely hears him over the echoes in her head.

"Couldn't live without you, I guess." she hears him say over and over and she hears "perhaps I would!" and Saleem is there above her face and Michael is dead and so are Ari and Tali and her mother and the men are on top-

"Ziva! Look at me!" she hears Ducky say but it is just a dream because she can feel the heat and the sand and the men-

Suddenly she is vomiting all over the floor and she braces herself for the next blow, but all she feels are strong, safe arms around her and soothing words in her ear.

"Ziver." Gibbs says when she looks at him and cries in earnest for the first time since her rescue- since Tali's funeral, actually. "You're ok." He soothes, smoothing a hand over her matted hair. "You're ok."

She sobs and sobs because Eli betrayed her and Tony still loves her and Michael was a liar but he is also dead and maybe she loved him and because she is so broken and tired and hates how dirty she feels inside, and maybe she wishes she had died because then she could see Tali and her mother and Ari and not be suffering anymore.

She begins to scream again because she can't decide how she feels and she is so scared and small. Gibbs tries to take her in his arms but he has turned into Saleem so she curls into a ball and begs him not to hurt her. Ducky says something about a sedative in his bag and soon their faces are blurry and she is almost asleep, floating above the people she loves in a boneless dreamland.

…

When she wakes again she is in does not know where she is until she sees Tony in the chair in the corner. It all comes rushing back and her face reddens but it's hard to focus on anything, let alone speak. He sits down on the edge of the bed and strokes her hair like she is a baby and smiles wearily.

"How do you feel?" He asks kindly.

"Ok." She squeaks after a long minute. "I am sorry, Tony-"

He shakes his head. "Don't. Please don't apologize. You're safe now, that's all that matters. We can talk about that later."

She nods and closes her eyes briefly.

He thinks she has fallen back to sleep when she sits up, small among the pillows and blankets.

"Thank you- for finding me." she says, eyes filled with unshed tears.

"I do not know anyone else who would have risked their life and career that way for me."

"No one else I'd do it for." he concedes, taking her hand in his.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"I'll take all the blame, aqua sea foam shame

Sunburn, freezer burn, choking on the ashes of her enemy"

Nirvana, All Apologies

When she wakes next, she feels ill. Her stomach is cramping and she is very dizzy, the world spinning and blurring. It takes her a moment to realize that she is covered in something sticky and wet, and her heart stops beating. She looks down to see a pool of red, angry blood between her legs, and she screams.

What is going on? She is so confused because no body was hitting her and oh it hurts but not just in her stomach- her heart is weeping. Gibbs comes pounding up the stairs and his face goes pale when he sees her.

"What happened?" He demands, hands on her shoulder and eyes filled with unreadable emotion.

"I… I… I don't know!" She cries, and suddenly she sees her mother, young and sad, in a hospital bed, shaking her head. "No more baby." She murmured, and Ziva blubbers, because her mother was so heartbroken but she is sad, ashamed and strangely relieved in a way she cannot, or does not want to explain.

"It's ok." Gibbs soothes, and scoops her up in his arm like a child. "We're going to have Ducky meet us at the hospital."

"Why?" She screeches, unable, or unwilling to accept the reality in front of her.

"You're having a miscarriage, Ziver." He grinds out.

…

Ducky joins the team in the waiting room, his face sad and drawn.

"Ziva has lost the baby." He begins, taking a seat next to Abby, who gasps. "Her physician and I both agree that it would be best for her to undergo a simple D&C, to both resolve the bleeding and make sure there is no tissue left over to cause further infection. We are also going to give her general anesthesia, because of the nature of the procedure. She should be recovered within a few days."

"Godammnit!" Tony shouts, running a hand over his tired face. The nurse at the front desk shakes her head, but the team ignores her.

"DiNozzo." Gibbs says warningly, placing a hand on his shoulder. Tony pulls away, livid.

"No. This is my fault! If I hadn't killed Michael-"

"He'd still be out there." Gibbs finishes for him. "Do not doubt yourself. It was Ziva's decision to stay in Israel." But even as he says it Gibbs wishes he had dragged her onto that plane, away from Eli and Mossad and Saleem Ulman.

"Don't give me that bull, Boss. You blame me. I know it." He turns to the rest of them, eyes burning. "You all do."

"No we don't!" Abby exclaims, reaching out to hug him, but Tony pulls away.

"Just stop." He mutters, storming out of the emergency room. "Just stop."

Abby stands to follow him, but Gibbs holds her back.

"Let him go, Abs. Let him deal with his guilt somewhere else."

…

When Ziva comes to, she feels disoriented and confused, unsure of how she got here. She sees a female figure by her bed, all curves and black hair.

"Ima?" She asks uncertainly, praying for her mother to appear and make it better.

"No." A familiar, gravelly voice corrects. "Its just Abby."

"Oh." She answers, unsure of how to proceed when her beautiful mother transforms into her Goth best friend.

"How do you feel?" Abby asks, maternally smoothing down her blankets.

"I do not know." Ziva admits. She feels light and uncomfortable, like there is pain beneath a blanket of medication.

Abby smiles sadly and sits down on the edge of the bed. "I was so worried about you."

"It was a simple procedure-" Ziva begins, but Abby shakes her head.

"No, not that. I mean, I was worried today- super worried! But this summer, when you just disappeared? I was frantic. I mean, you were absent. Nowhere. And I always find the missing people, but I couldn't find you. I just had this feeling that something bad was happening, you know?"

"Yes." Ziva agrees. She knows that feeling all too well. The day Tali died, young and innocent and burned on the side of the road, she had known that something was wrong. Her heart aches for her sister, but she tries to suppress that emotion, because along with it comes all her other.

"You would have liked my sister." She finally says weakly.

Abby nods, tears forming. "I'm sure I would have."

Ziva can no longer keep her eyes open, and succumbs to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Sorry for the delay- I just got back from a life-changing trip to Rwanda where I worked with female survivors of the genocide- tough stuff. But I'm ready to get back to writing! I just want to say that I appreciate all your kind reviews and favorites, but it would mean a lot if more people gave me their opinions- I only got 2 reviews for the last chapter! Anyway, read on, and thanks for the love. **

"When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)

If you feel like letting go (hold on)

When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on."

R.E.M, Everybody Hurts

The days blur together in Gibbs guest room. She spends her time in a zombie like state, consumed by a flood of overwhelming emotions. She is alternately relieved and guilty, grieving a child she doesn't even know if she could have loved. She dreams of rough hands and smooth baby skin and blood and cries of 'please no'.

Former team members come and go, whispered condolences and awkward hugs. When Tony visits, she pretends to sleep- for some reason, she is incapable of facing the man who risked his life to save her insignificant one.

There is a slight knock at the door and Gibbs pads in, a small bowl of soup in hand.

"Thought you might be hungry." He grunts, setting the bowl down on the night table.

"Thank you." She mutters, and lifts a shaking hand to lift a full spoon to her lips.

"How do you feel?" He asks in a tender voice not many have heard from him.

"I feel… confused." She finally answers. She has recently found that the less she speaks, the more in control she feels.

Gibbs simply nods, and pulls her in for a hug so that her head rests on his shoulder.

"You're going to be okay, Ziver. It'll take time, but you can do it. I know it." He whispers into her hair. Her throat seems to close, the lump growing larger.

"I am tired of fighting. All I have ever done is fight fight fight and what if I am tired?" Ziva spits out, suddenly frustrated. The room is too hot, her breathing erratic. The walls are closing in and she can feel those hands again, can taste her own coppery blood.

She hears her name in the background, hands on her shoulders. When she comes to, she beings to sob, falling asleep to the hum of a lullaby on Gibbs's tongue.

…

Tony catches her by surprise as she makes her way back from the bathroom to her bed. She gasps, startled, and he carefully inches forward.

"Hey." He greets sheepishly.

"Hello." She squeaks.

"Are you up to talking?" He asks, so sweetly it stings. She simply nods, and the pair makes its way back to her bed. They both sit on the edge, an uncomfortable yet familiar silence befalling them.

"Ziva, I-" Tony begins, but she interrupts.

"I do not blame you." She says quickly. "If anyone, I blame myself, for believing the lies that were fed to me. You had my back. You have always had my back."

He nods, obviously fighting tears. "You're my best friend. When I thought you were dead-" He shakes his head, chasing away memories. "I'm sorry it had to be this way."

Ziva grimaces. "I should have known that Michael was not being truthful, but that is not what I am upset about. I should have figured out the kind of man my father is before I let something like this happen."

Tony stands angrily. "You didn't _let_ anything happen. Eli is a manipulative bastard who knows how to play his daughter. You are not at fault."

The words blanket them in a pensive silence, images flashing before Ziva's eyes. Her mother laughing on the beach in Haifa, Tali's bright eyes in the light of the moon, and Ari, teenaged and troubled, smiling begrudgingly. She sees now that her entire life, all her losses and grievances were orchestrated by her father, a by-product of the life he wanted for her under the mask of duty.

"What are you thinking about?" Tony finally asks, and she looks him in the eye.

"Family.", she replies, placing a hand over his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for all your love- you are all wonderful! Also big thanks to Mechabeira, who taught me how to break out of my writers block. Your advice helped me to figure out where this story is going! Enjoy, and leave a review on your way out!**

Chapter 4

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive."

The Beatles, Blackbird

A few days later, Tony made Ziva get outside and take a short walk around the neighborhood with him. The air is crisp with fall colors, and Ziva realizes how much she missed fresh, clean air.

They pass the local high school, where three girls are walking home, text books in hand. Their eyes are shining and they look innocent in their uniforms, leaves crunching beneath their feet. Their loud, singsong voices carry all the way across the street, where Ziva is trying hard not to stare wistfully.

"I barely graduated high school." She admits softly, looking down at her feet. "And I never went to college."

Tony puts a hand on her shoulder. "That's ok. It doesn't make you any less intelligent."

She shakes her head. "Tali was always the smarter one. She wanted to go to medical school, like Ari. She wanted to save lives, not end them. She talked about opening a cheap clinic for poor families who could not afford medical care."

"That's amazing." Tony muses, deciding to let Ziva really remember her sister at her best for a moment, not strewn like a bloody rag doll, torn to shreds by a bomb.

"Yes." She agrees, and kicks a leaf around with the toe of her boot.

"I am tired of death." Ziva declares. "I am tired of suffering and grief and evil."

His heart leaps into his chest. "Do you want to come back to NCIS?"

She shakes her head. "I love the team- and am so grateful for all you have given me. But I do not think I have the ability to face our work again after... All that has happened."

"Will you leave D.C?" He asks, almost frantic.

"Of course not." She reassures him."Perhaps I will start dancing again, once I am well enough."

Tony smiles. "That would be great. You could open your own studio."

Ziva shakes her head. "I do not have the money, and frankly, I do not know how to manage a business."

"We could all help you! I know the McGeek knows a thing it two about business plans, and I took a finance class in college. We can figure it out together, if that's what you want."

Ziva pondered the idea for a minute, fantasies of dancing and teaching running through her mind.

"I would like that very much." She finally said, and smiled genuinely for the first time in months.

Tony grinned too and put an arm around her. "Lets get you back, my dancing ninja."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for all your continued support! I hope I'm doing well- and the only way I know if I am is if you review! So please do! Much love- Enjoy!**

Chapter 5

You are my sweetest downfall."

Regina Spektor, Samson

34 cents. That was how much money was left in her bank account. That next day, Ziva had tried to withdraw 20 dollars for lunch with Abby. Denied. Inadequate funds. The screen read, heating her face with absolute humiliation.

"It's ok." Abby soothed, placing a hand on her upper arm. "My treat."

They eat a small cafe in Georgetown, where Abby devours her sandwich and Ziva picks at her salad.

"So what did you want to talk about?" Abby asked, cocking her head congenially.

"I am... Not returning to NCIS." She begins. "I am not leaving D.C, but I do not think I can bear more suffering. I am looking into starting my own dance studio but I do not know anything about running a business. You a forensic scientist, but... You went to college. I thought maybe you would know something about what I need to do."

Abby takes a moment to digest all the information that has been thrown at her.

"Wow. I- the team will miss you, but you should do what makes you happy. And I think opening a studio is a great idea! I can try and help you- I know a thing or two about pulling together finances and business plans."

Ziva nods curtly. "Thank you, Abby."

Her gaze wanders over to the next table, where a young couple is eating lunch with a baby girl who couldn't have been more than one. She sat on the mothers lap, grabbing at Cheerios.

Abby smiles mournfully, and reaches over to takes Ziva's hand.

"What are you thinking?"

Ziva shakes her head, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

"That I would have been a terrible mother. That maybe the baby would have been my redemption, or my downfall. I do not even know if I would have been able to keep it."

"Don't say that. You would have been a great mother- it just wasn't meant to be. One day you can do it on your own terms."

"Yes." She says vacantly, digging her fingernails into her palms.

"I didn't know you were a dancer." Abby says, trying to draw her out.

"Yes- at least I was. I danced from the time I was three until I was sixteen, when my father made me quit. It was something my sister, mother and I could do together. She used to dance for the national ballet."

"That's amazing- I don't have that kind of discipline. You never talk about your family."

Ziva frowns. "My mother died when I was twelve- in a riot in the market. Tali was sixteen when she was killed In a Hamas suicide bombing."

"That's awful, but I mean, what were they like?"

"Better than I will ever be." Ziva replies simply. "They were too good for this world."

Abby nodded. "I feel that way about my mom. She died just before I joined NCIS- breast cancer."

Ziva sighs heavily. "Thank you for being my friend, Abby."

"Of course." Abby frowns at Ziva's plate. "You barely touched your salad- do you not like it?"

"No, I am not hungry."

"You lost twenty pounds this summer, Ziva! You need to eat!"

"It is not that simple. I am not used to eating three meals a day- I will eat dinner tonight."

"You're never going to get better if you don't try!" Abby practically shrieks, startling Ziva.

"Please do not yell at me." She warbles, and stands up, walking away.

"Come back!" Abby calls, but Ziva does not seem to hear her.

...

It is begins to rain as Team Gibbs rolls out to look for Ziva. She's not at her old apartment, the parks she likes to run at, or even at the Navy yard. They are about to go back to Gibbs and regroup when Tony gets an idea.

Ziva sits in the parking lot of Temple B'nai Keshet, the rain pasting her hair to her face.

Tony jumps out of the car and runs over to her, holding an umbrella over her head.

"Hey- we've been really worried! Let's get back in the car!" He practically begs, but Ziva doesn't move.

"C'mon- it's freezing out here!" He tries, but she shakes her head.

"I c-can't." She says, her teeth chattering.

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"Stop yelling!" She cries shrilly, and Tony realizes she is not in Washington, but Somalia. He musters all his strength to pick her up, and she moans.

"Do not hurt me."

"You're safe." He soothes, but his words go un heeded.

Gibbs hangs his head when he sees her.

"Let's get our girl home." He finally decides, peeling down the block.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for being so wonderful. Enjoy, and review! XO**

Chapter 6

"Not sure all these people understand. It's not like years ago."

R.E. M, Nightswimming

Back at Gibbs house, they wrapped a shivering Ziva in an Afghan and sat her in front of the fireplace, where she sat staring at the crackling flames. She'd become introverted, not answering any of their questions, or even acknowledging their presence. Nothing could draw her out of whatever headspace she was caught in.

"Ari." She finally mummers an hour later, still engaged in a staring contest with the flames.

Tony, Ducky and Gibbs snapped to attention.

She was muttering in Hebrew now, and Gibbs limited knowledge yielded him only bits and pieces of what she was saying. Sorry, mother, sister, please, love, and pain were all he caught. Tony inched forward to put an arm around her, but she jerks away, eyes wide with fear and confusion.

"I will not tell you anything." She spits, but cowers as soon as the words leave her mouth.

"Ziva! Wake up! You're in D.C- you're safe!"

"No, I, stop!" She shrieks. They can sense she's coming to.

"Its Tony. You're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you." He whispers.

She blinks a few times, breathing heavily.

"Tony." She tests out, as if she is not sure if she believes him.

"That's right. C'mon, take a deep breath."

She takes a shaky breath, the air rattling around in her lungs.

"Ok." She finally says. "I am... Ok."

"Ziva, dear, do you know where you are?" Ducky asks.

"Home."

...

"She needs professional help." Ducky says as soon as Ziva falls asleep. "Her physical healing is underway, but her psychological issues are worrying. I have a friend who is a psychologist that specializes in torture victims. I would like to refer Ziva to her."

"Yea, do it, Duck. What can we do in the meantime?" Gibbs asked, clearly frustrated.

"Be there for her, Jethro. Talk to her, but do not force it. Let her know she is loved."

Tony hung his head. "We rescued her- I. Why can't it just go back to normal?"

Ducky shook his head. "I wish it could, Anthony, but try to think positively. As much as we all love the 'old' Ziva, perhaps this is an opportunity for her to find her best self."

...

Abby is waiting at the kitchen table with Brie, baguette and tea when she comes downstairs that evening.

"Hey." She says quietly, smiling kindly. "I thought you might be hungry, and I know you like this stuff."

She slides into the adjacent chair and rips a small piece of bread off. "Thank you- that was very thoughtful." She whispers.

"Of course. I uh- wanted to talk about this morning. I'm sorry if I scared you- I just want you to get better, and, I don't know, I just wish it wasn't so hard for you."

"You are remembering how I used to be" Ziva supplies. "Emotionless and stoic, brave and confident." Her face is drawn and sad.

"No! And you were never emotionless- you just have trouble showing your feelings and asking for help, that's all. I think you can get back to that-"

"I do not want to. Nobody seems to understand that I cannot and do not want to be the person I was before! That is how I got here! I can longer stand to be in my own skin! I, I am disgusted with who I have become! I need to change- I will change if it is the last thing I do."

Abby's mouth fell open- she was unsure of how to proceed. Ziva breathed heavily, backing up against the wall and closing her eyes.

"Sometimes I wished I'd died." Ziva breathed.


	7. Chapter 7

**I love you all- keep being wonderful and reviewing! Also if I haven't responded to your review, I will!**

Chapter 7

"But I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck"

Mumford and Sons, The Cave

Dr. Eliza Solomon was warm and pretty, with slight laugh lines and bright blue eyes. She greeted Ziva and led her to her office, a comfortable room with plush chairs and pillows.

"So." The doctor started, smiling kindly. "Why don't you tell me why you think you're here."

Ziva opened and closed her mouth. For some reason, that simple question made her pause, afraid.

"I was- held captive this summer, and am having a... difficult time."

"What do you mean by difficult? Go more in depth for me."

"I am having flashbacks, and nightmares. I am tired all the time, and most days I do not want to get out of bed."

Dr. Solomon nodded, looking down at her file. "Dr. Mallard tells me that you have said you wish you died. Tell me about that."

"It is hard to... Live with myself. All the things I've seen and done. I am disgusted with myself." Ziva admitted, deciding to be candid. Something about her put her at ease.

Dr. Solomon nodded grimly. "ok. Thank you for being honest with me. This mindset of yours worries me, and not just for obvious reasons. I do not think it would be beneficial to you to put you in a 72 hour treatment hold and suicide watch, but I want you to be around someone at all times do they can be sure you do not hurt yourself. Furthermore, I would like to start you on an anti depressant- it should also help with your anxiety. We have a lot of work to do, Ziva- are you willing to work hard with me?"

"Yes." Ziva squeaked, sad and determined.

"Alright. Good. Now why don't you tell me about your yourself."

...

Tony picked her up outside an hour later, and placed a hand over hers as he took in her puffy red eyes and runny nose.

"Tough first session, huh, Sweetcheecks?"

She allows herself a small grin at the old nickname born under the cover of the stars in a beautiful hotel room.

"Yes. She says I have a long way to go."

He nods, pensive. "I think she's right, but I know you can get better. I'll be here every step of the way."

Ziva nods, swallowing back more tears. "I do not deserve you."

Tony's jaw tightens. "Don't say that. You deserve to be loved by friends and family."

"I mean you. You have forgiven me for too much. I have not treated you fairly and yet you still seem to... Care about me. I do not understand."

Tiny sighed heavily, his throat closing painfully with unshed tears. He pulled over.

"Ziva- when I said I couldn't live without you, I meant it. You're my best friend, my partner, and we've been through too much together to just throw it away for some silly mistakes. I love you Ziva, I always will."

Silent tears coursed down her cheeks. "Thank you." she whispers, and lays her tired head on his shoulder. "You are my best friend too."

"I meant what I said Ziva- I'll be here every step of the way to support you."

She nods, her eyes sliding closed.

...

The sun was setting when Tony pulled up at the park near Gibbs house. Tony laid out a soft blanket in the grass and motions for Ziva to follow. He pulls out two Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, and hands her one.

"Todah."

"Prego." And with that they're back under the awning of a hotel in the pouring rain, secrets, pizza and espresso exchanged like baseball cards.

A young couple sits near them, awkward and happy. They can't be older than sixteen, and they are looking up at the clouds, the girls head pillowed on his stomach. Ziva can't stop staring.

"What's the matter?"

"Tali never even had her first kiss when she died." She blurts, lost in thought. "She was innocent and beautiful, and someone decided to take it away from her. That is why I joined- to stop people from killing more innocents. But it seems I became more like them than I anticipated."

Tony shakes his head. "You're nothing like them. You-"

"Killed people for a cause I believed in. How does that make me any better than the suicide bomber who murdered my sister, or even Saleem?" She is frantic now, cheeks red and breathing erratic.

"Don't say that. Ziva, you are the best person I know. You have so much empathy and compassion-"

"The day my sister died my father told me he'd wished I'd died instead of her. He told me I had to go and fight to prove him wrong."

Tony shakes his head, sad for a young, confused and grieving Ziva, raw and betrayed.

"I'm not saying that I'm in any way glad your sister died, but I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't met you."

Ziva takes his hand. "Thank you for giving me hope."


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you to everyone for all your support. I love you all. Sorry for the wait- this is it folks! Tell me what you think on the way out the door. XO**

Chapter 8

"_And I came home_

_Like a stone_

_And I fell heavy into your arms_

_These days of dust_

_Which we've known_

_Will blow away with this new sun." _

_Mumford and Sons, I _Will_ Wait_

Her Aunt Nettie lands in D.C. a few days later, her graying hair tied up in a loose bun, her old cashmere sweater paling. Ziva hurries over to her, and they embrace tightly. Nettie smells like ocean air and peppermints, her arms strong and welcoming.

"My Ziva. My brave brave girl." She murmurs into Ziva's tangled curls, and then pulls back to look at her niece more closely, wiping away her tears. "Motek, do not cry. I am here now."

Ziva takes her aunts hand and leads her over to where Gibbs and Tony are waiting.

"You are responsible for saving my niece?" Nettie asks immediately.

"Yes ma'am." Gibbs replies.

Nettie nods. "I do not know how I can ever thank you."

"Don't mention it." Tony replies, reaching for Nettie's bag. "Why don't we go home."

...

Gibbs trundles down the steps late that night to find Nettie on the couch, sipping tea and staring at a scratch on the coffee table.

"Can't sleep?" He asks, and sits next to her.

"No. My mind is... twirling?"

"Spinning." Gibbs offers good naturedly.

Nettie waves a hand in his direction to acknowledge the correction. Her fingers are gnarled and thick with arthritis, veins protruding. "I never liked Eli. He did not seem genuine, or all that friendly, but my baby sister was madly in love with him, so I did not say anything. I wish I had. He quickly became manipulative and abusive."

Gibbs gut tossed as he imagined a young, beautiful Rivka, disillusioned and afraid.

"She was going to leave him, but then she found out she was pregnant with Ziva." Nettie shook her head fondly. "She loved Ziva and Tali more than anything. Those girls were inseparable- attached at the waist, yes? When my sister died, I promised her I would take care of her babies, but... I seem to have failed."

"No." Gibbs corrected. "You were sabotaged by Eli."

...

Ziva woke to her aunt playing with her tangled curls, her finger making little ringlets.

"Boker tov, Zivelah. Did you sleep well?"

"Ken." She mumbled, blinking sleep out of her eyes, frowning at her aunts worried expression. "I am fine."

Nettie shakes her head. "Oh, tateleh. My little n'sicha. You have been so strong for so long, so brave. And no one, myself included, has been here for you enough. You do not have to be so brave anymore."

"I do not know how." She admits, feeling vulnerable.

"You can start by not pretending everything is fine, all the time. We all know it is not, and there is no shame in that."

Ziva nodded. It would not be easy, but in that moment, she knew she'd be ok. She had her whole family rooting for her, people she knew would believe in her no matter what, even on the darkest days. That was something Ziva had never had before. Maybe she had to go trough all of this to arrive at a place of love and mutual respect.

Taking a deep breath, Ziva mentally began a new chapter in her life. She leaves behind the rejection and the pain and the orders and the violence and the grief. What her future holds is unclear, but this does not scare her. It thrills her, to be able to finally live her life as she wants it, uncontaminated by Eli. She is happy.


End file.
